Monday, October 15, 2012

The alien in my side is back

So this post is going to be kind of all over the place, but that's how my brain works, so I guess it's fitting, right?  On Saturday, I was sitting on my bed (mattress on the floor since we sold our bedroom set) thinking about everything we need to do, and the alien came back.  I guess I should explain, for many years now, I've suffered from anxiety and depression.  It's something I don't talk about much, but it's always there.  I used to take medication to control it, but I didn't like the way it didn't make me feel.  I guess the best way to describe it is a volume dial on your radio, most people, when it comes to emotions, are right in the middle.  For me, my day to day is cranked all the way to 10.  When I was medicated, I was about a 2, I just didn't feel anything.  If there were meds that would keep me right in the middle, or close to "normal" I might take them, but for now, I deal with being overly emotional. I've been told I need to be more thick skinned, this was from people who don't understand. There's a difference between the two, I can take criticism just fine, I'm not able to just turn off my emotions (what I wouldn't give to be a vampire ala Vampire Diaries).  Anyway, getting back to sitting on my mattress being totally overwhelmed, the alien came back.  You see, I don't always have full out panic attacks, sometimes my anxiety comes in pain.  A little over a month ago, I started having a pain in my side, and kept telling Steve it felt like I had an alien living inside me, trying to get out.  At the time I was having major anxiety, but once I was able to get over the issue, the pain went away.  Thinking about all that we have to do in order to get the house in order, the alien made a return appearance.  However, this time I was able to get rid of him pretty quickly.  Instead of sitting there, crying over my frog tape, I went to get my hair done.
I don't know how you relax, but as soon as I get in that chair, everything else just disappears.  It helps that I have a couple of the greatest girls handling the mess on my head.  I went for copper red this time, here's the picture I gave her:
I'd say she did exactly what I asked for, and I'm in love with my color.  Do you see the purple peeking out? Love!  I thought it would be a bad idea though, seeing as that I'm currently interviewing for a new job.  As it is, they don't know about my tattoos yet.  Steve can't believe that I would be worried that they would have a problem with visible tattoos, seeing as it's 2012 and all, but I totally am.  So, needless to say I thought better of adding purple to my hair.  But wait!  Have you heard of hair chalk?
You can "color" pieces of hair, set it with hair spray or heat and it washes out the next time you shampoo.  They were out of the purple at the salon, but I'm going to Ulta this week to look for it.  Yes, I'm probably too old for this, but I don't care, I love being able to change up my look with hair color and makeup whenever I want, it's part of the fun of being a girl.
Yesterday we got a good amount of painting done, and got the kitchen all packed up, so I'm feeling a little better about the disaster area that is my house.  I'm sure I'll feel overwhelmed, and stressed every other day, but I'm working hard to manage it on my own.  Yes, there will be meltdowns (must to Steve's dismay) but if it gets us to TX, it's all worth it.

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